Fun things to do in church

 

Redirect the sunlight in the preachers face with your watch, or even better, bring a mirror.

Attempt to start a crowd wave.

Bring a vuvuzela and root for your favorite religious figure. Tell the person next to you your favorite saint could totally beat his.

Eat chips loudly.

When they pass around the collection plate leave a note with your annoying neighbors credit card number. Take some money for yourself „it’s for the bus”.

Shout „Preach it baby!” after anything the priest says.

Slap the person next to you to see if they turn the other cheek, if not complain to the priest.

Rush to the altar, drop on your knees and start praying to God and begging for a soda, pray your heart out so everyone can hear. You may also pray for spaghetti.

Invent a new segment of the holy book like „The Book of Persipholoes”, tell people it’s your favorite part, see if anyone even notices.

Invite all your Facebook friends to a party, give them the church address.

Dress like a priest underneath your coat. In the middle of the sermon take off the coat and run off to the altar breathing heavily: „I’m sorry I’m late…this traffic is a killer you know…so let’s begin!”.

If you are invited to do a reading read from The Lord of the Rings instead, see if people notice.

Stand up randomly and shout „Bingo!”.

When going for the communion take the glass from the priests hand and drink it all up, toss the glass to the floor and yell „Praise DA Loordah!”. Dance.

Change your cell phone ringtone to extremely offensive songs, wait for the inevitable.

Close your eyes and act calm and peaceful, start snoring loudly.

Walk up to the altar and start a ritual for a different deity.

Order a pizza during the sermon.

Bring popcorn and yell out „boooring…” at different times.

While the priest is talking look at him and point repeatedly and your watch, signal him to hurry up, you got other places to be.

Yell out words of praise loudly and repeatedly so no one can hear the preacher.

Start dancing like a madman, tell everyone you can feel the Holy Ghost.

Walk up to the priest and ask if they do any exorcisms around here, if he says no reply with „Well you will now”. Laugh hysterically.

Bring an onion, make everyone cry during the sermon.

Remind everyone that they are going to hell.

In the middle of the sermon stand up and look around disgusted shouting „OK, who farted?”

Demand a scientific explanation for anything that’s being said.

Tell the preacher you heard Jesus used to spit on blind people. Ask the preacher if it’s true. After his explanation run out crying and yelling „so it’s true, noo!”.

When going to a confession give the priest a detailed account of your entire life, you get 5 points for each half hour spent in there, repeat every Sunday.

Confess to the priest that it was in fact you who killed Kennedy.

Invent your own words to sing along with the people, make it fun!

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About tehcip

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

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