Funny excuses for being late for work/school

 

I saw a fire truck as I was coming to work and went home to make sure my house wasn’t on fire.

I was up all night arguing with God.

I got involved in a gang war by accident. We won.

I’m late because my dad was punishing my younger brother this morning. He was beating him with my shoes. I couldn’t come in barefoot.

I had this conflict going on within me regarding whether to exhibit herd mentality by attending class/work or whether to take a more individualistic decision of skipping school/work; I chose the former but the decision-making process was lengthy and complex.

I was possessed, the priest barely made it out alive.

I made the mistake of letting in some Jehovah’s Witnesses and they wouldn’t leave.

There were three wasps in my bedroom so I hid under my bed for three hours until they flew out the window.

The cops kept chasing me but i eventually lost them and came as soon as i could.

While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.

I was dreaming about a basketball game, and it went into overtime.

I was attacked by a pack of wild dogs, i just got back from the hospital.

I got really drunk last night and I couldn’t find my clothes this morning. Apparently i had thrown them at people on the sidewalk in a drunken rage. I figured it out eventually.

I tripped over my on the hallway grandma and she lost her dentures; I had been looking for them all morning.

Someone was following me so I had to take a longer route to throw him off.

My niece playfully dialed 911 and the police kept grilling me to tell them what really happened.

I won’t be coming in to work today. My wife informed me that she is going to conceive today, and I really want to be there when it happens.

My dog ate the alarm clock.

My husband/wife likes playing with me and hides my car keys every morning.

I am chasing the burglar who broke into my house as I would hate to bother the police.

I fell asleep in the shower.

My neighbor called to tell me that my house was on fire! We play pranks on each other all the time.

I tried a new way in to work to avoid monotony and it took me two hours. And i almost got killed. Never going that way again.

I promised my dog that I would floss him today. It gets really mad when i don’t.

I tried to catch the newspaper from the paperboy and the car keys flew out of my hand and over into the bushes, so, I had to search for 20 minutes just to find them.

I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn’t find the spider.

I was trying to get my gun back from the police.

You mean I have to show up to work everyday?

The bartender wouldn’t let me leave.

I couldn’t be here on time  because my cat is very lonely and stressed out. If I don’t spend some quality time with it, it will keep peeing on the furniture.

I was looking for something in the trunk and someone pushed me in and locked it. Eventually someone heard my screams.

I watered my plants this morning and i have many of them. It’s like a jungle out there.

I was kidnapped by aliens. They just let me go a few minutes ago.