How to annoy a telemarketer

consuela no no

Repeat what they say. Keep repeating until they ask you to stop, when they ask why, reply that you are training to be a telemarketer.

Ask “Why?” all the time.

Answer every question with “No.”

Answer everything with “hmm maybe…”.

Ask them to talk very slow so you can write every word down for evidence.

Fake being attacked by a murderer. Beg for help. Leave the phone hanging with no sound.

Reply to everything they say with “That’s absolutely not true!”

Start asking them questions and never answer theirs.

Ask them if they sell any telemarketing blocking products.

Answer with “911 Emergency. What is your emergency?” Repeat.

Stay really quiet after you answer then make baby sounds.

Treat them like your very own  psychiatrist. Tell them about your life until they hang up.

Ask them where else you can purchase the product but refuse to buy it  from him.

Inform him that you are grounded or under house arrest, ask him if he could bring you some beer and peanuts.

Ask them personal questions continuously. Tell them you can’t answer their questions until they gain your trust.

Only breath heavily. Tell them you know where they live or that they have a “purty voice”.

Tell them you have to let the cat inside and you will be right back. Never return.

Ask them if they are selling any weed.

“I’m sorry, I’m blind, can you repeat that?”

Tell them you don’t even have a phone and you don’t know what they are talking about.

Pretend like you are old/young and can’t hear/understand, fake an accent as well.

Ask them if they would like to be your friend.

Panic and tell them you were an undercover cop but this call just ruined your cover.

Tell them a gypsy already sold you that product.

Tell them the phone owner has just moved and give them the number of someone you despise. Tell them they work during the day so they should call at night.

Ask them how much their product will be worth on ebay.

Tell them your parents left a week ago and they never came back, ask them if they’ve seen them, cry.

Listen to all the information then say yes and hang up.

Talk like a maniac and keep saying “I’ll never tell…never…never…I’ll never tell you!”

Tell them you have psychic powers and you already know what they are selling but you don’t want it.

Try to sell them something of your own, assure them it’s a very good deal!

Insist that the caller is really your buddy George playing a joke. “C’mon George, cut it out! You joker you! I know it’s you.”

Ask them if they found Jesus yet and preach to them that you can save them.

No matter what they are selling tell them “No thank you, i already own a horse!”

Answer with “Hello, this is Ethics Insurance, this is your lucky day, we have a special offer just for you!”

Ask if their product comes with a free TV, refuse to buy anything without a free TV.

Inform them that you work for the same company they do and they can’t sell to employees.

When they tell you the company’s name, say, “You’re still in business? I guess the bomb still has another 20 seconds or so.”

Fake a foreign language.

Ask them to spell out their name, then the company name, continue asking him to spell everything.

If they want to loan you money tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could really use some cash.

Tell them they have the wrong number.

Scream “Omg stop calling! Ii didn’t kill your cat!”.

Ask them about their sex life.

Speak only in poetic lines and old English.

Say, “Sorry, I can’t talk now. I have to go wax my cat.”

Fake a worried voice, say “Daddy put down the gun……NO!!!!!” and drop the the phone.

Ask him if he knows any good place to hide a body.

Pretend you are also a telemarketing service and attempt to sell them something.

Answer with “I’m sorry but the owner is in jail for killing a telemarketer…if you would like to call back in about ten years you might be able to get a hold of him!”

When the  telemarketer asks you how you are say “not so good, I just found out my cat drowned, my dog got hit by a car, and my friend hung himself.” Then ask “How are you?”

Tell him you just cut off some of your fingers, ask him to hold while you call an ambulance, hang up.

Start choking and whisper silently “heelp…”.

Harry’s whore house, Harry’s not here, this is the whore. How may I help you?

“Hello, You have reached the advise for idiots hotline…I’m sorry all our lines are all busy at the moment! Please hold!” Play elevator music.

Pretend like you are trying to take a a restaurant order, fake a Chinese accent.

Answer with: “I’m coming for you Johnny,  have a gun Johnny…” Hang up.

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About tehcip

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

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