Archive | December 2008

How to annoy people in an elevator

1) When there’s only 1 other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend that it wasn’t you.

2) Push the buttons & pretend they give you a shock. Smile & go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for the other people and push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you are on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you are waiting for a friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say “Hey Greg, How’s your day been?”

6) Drop and pen & wait until someone goes to pick it up and then scream “NOOO THAT’S MINE!”

7) Bring a camera & take pictures of everyone on the elevator.

8) Bring a Twister mat and ask if people want to play.

9) Leave a box in the corner, when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

10) Ask, “Did you feel that?”

11) Stand really close to someone and sniff them occasionally.

12) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s ok! Don’t panic, they will open again!”

13) Swat at flies that aren’t there.

14) Call out, “Group Hug!” & then enforce it.

15) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “Shut-Up, all of you, just shut up!”

16) Stand silently & motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

17) Stare at another passenger for awhile and then yell in horror, “Your one of THEM!” & then back away slowly.

18) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to other people.

19) Listen to the walls of the elevator with a stethoscope.

20) Make explosion noises when someone pushes a button.

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22 Ways To Annoy People On The Phone

1.Finish each sentence they say with undubitably

2.Whenever they start to talk make yawning noises

3.Keep saying, “Can you hear me now?”

4.Pretend that you are a fax machine

5.Spell out words instead of saying them, about once per sentence.

6.Use an air horn to help get you point across

7.Answer ‘city morgue you kill ’em we chill ’em!’

8.Breath heavily, talk like Darth Vader, and end every sentence with ” or else”

9.Call someone and say “hello?” when they answer, ask if they called you

10.End every sentence with “M’Kay” or “Okeily Dokiely”

Read More…

25 Ways to Annoy Your Roommate During Christmas

Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life. If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder.

Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa’s lap. Refuse to get off.

Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you’re wearing it.

Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth chanting, “Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is coming to town…”

Hang mistletoe in the doorway. When your roommate enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.

Read More…

And more ways to be annoying

1.  Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2.  In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage”.

3.  Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.

4.  Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip, Bip Beeeep Bip”…

5.  If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6.  Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

7.  Speak only in a “robot” voice.

8.  Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9.  Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”.

10.  Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

How to be annoying

1)Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think”

2)Make beeping noises when a large person backs up

3)Sing along at the opera

4)Finish all your sentences with “accordance to prophesy”

5)Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more.

6)Never make eye contact

7)Meow occasionally

8)Walk around with a cooler that say “human head” on the side

9)In a lift, draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”

10)Announce in a crowded place, in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”

11)Staple papers in the middle of the page.

12)Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.

13)Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!”

14)Steal a large quantity of traffic cones and re-route entire streets.

15)Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s road maps.

16)Ask people what gender they are.

THINGS TO DO WHEN JEHOVAH WITNESSES VISIT YOU

1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry.

2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.

3. Answer every one of their questions with “What do you mean by that?” This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.

4. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty two children. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.

5. Excuse yourself from the front door and DO NOT come back.

6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls – your bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.

7. Pick an often repeated word in their vocabulary (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what’s going on, say “nothing, why?” in very even tones, and giggle again.

8. Same as above, except say “beep” instead of giggling.

9. Guys – part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see…) throughout and if they ask you what you’re doing, pull a #7. If they’re still there when you are done, ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.

10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES

(You MUST read them out loud or it doesn’t make as much sense)…

1) Thats not right…….. Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive………………. Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP…………. Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man…………………. Dum Fuk

5) Small horse… Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach?… Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped in to a coffee table… Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8 ) I think you need a face lift… Chin Tu Fat

9) It’s very dark in here… Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet… Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone… No Pah King

12) staying out of sight… Lei Ying Lo

13) He’s cleaning his automobile… Wa Shing Ka

14) Your body odor is offensive… Yu Stin Ki Pu

15) Great… Fa Kin Su Pah

Have fun!

15 THINGS TO MAKE YOUR PARENTS THINK YOU’RE INSANE!!


1. Follow them around the house everywhere.

2. Moo when they say your name.

3. Run into walls.

4. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.

5. Stand over them at four in the morning with a huge grin on your face and say, good morning sunshine

6. Pluck someone’s hair out and yell, “DNA”

7. Wear a sticker that says, “I’m a retard”

8. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to all the time.

9. In public yell, “No Mom/Dad, I will not make out with you!!”

10. Do what they actually tell you.

11. Jump off the roof, trying to fly.

12. Hold their hand and whisper to them, I see dead people.

13. At everything they say yell, Liar.

14. Try to swim in the floor.

15. Tap on their door all night.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time… I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say “Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too”. Damn Right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?

4. When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, “did ya see that?” No Loser, I paid to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask “Can I ask you a question?”… Didn’t give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is ‘new and improved’. Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn’t be new.

8. When people say “life is short”. What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks “Has the bus come yet?” If the bus came, would I be standing here???