1. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
2. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
3. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip…”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
6. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.
7. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
8. Sniffle incessantly.
9. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
10. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”
11. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace.
12. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.”
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