Archive | November 2012

Top 15 chemistry jokes

I collected all these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Two atoms are walking down the street.

One atom says, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!”

The other replies, “Are you sure??”

“Yes, I’m positive!”

 

Why did the white bear dissolve in water?   Because it was polar.

 

Why are chemists great for solving problems?   They have all the solutions.

 

What’s the difference between Chemistry and cooking?  In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.

 

Anyone know any jokes about sodium? 
Na

 

Two chemists go into a restaurant. 

The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” 

The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.

 

A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes.  The waiter replies, “For you, No Charge!!!”

 

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Fun things to do in church

 

Redirect the sunlight in the preachers face with your watch, or even better, bring a mirror.

Attempt to start a crowd wave.

Bring a vuvuzela and root for your favorite religious figure. Tell the person next to you your favorite saint could totally beat his.

Eat chips loudly.

When they pass around the collection plate leave a note with your annoying neighbors credit card number. Take some money for yourself „it’s for the bus”.

Shout „Preach it baby!” after anything the priest says.

Slap the person next to you to see if they turn the other cheek, if not complain to the priest.

Rush to the altar, drop on your knees and start praying to God and begging for a soda, pray your heart out so everyone can hear. You may also pray for spaghetti.

Invent a new segment of the holy book like „The Book of Persipholoes”, tell people it’s your favorite part, see if anyone even notices.

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Stupid things everyone does – including you!

 

Walking into a room and not remembering why you went in there.

Having an argument with yourself and ending up getting pissed off by it.

Immediately refuse something out of politeness but then regretting you did so.

When the batteries on the remote control are dead or weak you will press harder on the buttons thinking it helps.

Pressing ctrl alt del repeatedly when the computer freezes although this only manages to make the freeze last even longer, it doesn’t help one bit.

Cursing at inanimate objects if we get hurt by them as if they had feelings. Sometimes even expecting an apology.

When warned that something is hot we touch it to check and obviously get burned. 

Walking into a dollar shop and sometimes while checking out an item still wondering how much it costs.

Looking at a watch and still not knowing what time it is when you take your eyes off of it.

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How to annoy people at the office/at work

Bring the TV remote from home and try to change the channel on people’s computers. When you see no results curse and mutter something about „cheap good for nothing electronics”.

Answer every phone call you get with „Welcome to FM Radio, you are on the air!”.

Pretend like your co-workers screen saver is hypnotizing you,start bowing to the computer chanting „All hail the cyber lord!”.

When people ask you for assistance staple their papers in the middle of the page.

Pick random times during the day to announce that plants are not real.

Take a picture of a fly you just killed and attach it to an email, send it to all your co-workers labeling it „such is the fate of all fools who oppose me!”.

Walk around the office staring suspiciously at co-workers, take a careful look around their offices, occasionally talk into your shirt saying „No sign of the the target yet, they suspect nothing!”.

Paint your face purple and walk around desperately asking your co-workers if they have seen your pills. Search through their desk drawers.

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I disagree

Let people know that you disagree using this appropriate gif.