Two atoms are walking down the street.
One atom says, “Hey! I think I lost an electron!”
The other replies, “Are you sure??”
“Yes, I’m positive!”
Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was polar.
Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.
What’s the difference between Chemistry and cooking? In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.
Anyone know any jokes about sodium?
Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.”
The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of cokes. As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, “For you, No Charge!!!”
Walking into a room and not remembering why you went in there.
Having an argument with yourself and ending up getting pissed off by it.
Immediately refuse something out of politeness but then regretting you did so.
When the batteries on the remote control are dead or weak you will press harder on the buttons thinking it helps.
Pressing ctrl alt del repeatedly when the computer freezes although this only manages to make the freeze last even longer, it doesn’t help one bit.
Cursing at inanimate objects if we get hurt by them as if they had feelings. Sometimes even expecting an apology.
When warned that something is hot we touch it to check and obviously get burned.
Walking into a dollar shop and sometimes while checking out an item still wondering how much it costs.
Looking at a watch and still not knowing what time it is when you take your eyes off of it.
Leave no comments other than “I don’t get it” or “Haters gonna hate”.
Always “Like” only the sad depressing status updates like “ I never thought i could feel so much pain inside.” You can excuse yourself by saying you are such a deep person and understand them.
Search for a random irrelevant picture from people’s albums, leave long intricate comments like “See, sometimes people really are just in denial, now that i see this photo i realize what was going on all the time, i knew it…”. Refuse to answer any questions they have.
When someone posts a depressive status comment about how happy you are that the event occurred, when the next person starts cursing at you and calling you all sorts of things delete your first comment, that way it will seem like the second person was cursing at the status owner all along, end result: “My dog died today.” – “Shut the hell up you asshole!”. Eat popcorn.
Post nonsensical cryptic lines onto peoples walls. Also imply their involvement in illegal activities for maximum effect.