How to annoy people in a public restroom

Stand by the sink and eyeball people who approach, let out an angry growl if they try to wash their hands.

Knock on the stall door and pretend you’re a Jehovas Witness

When a person enters the stall next to you take out a spray can and complain about the smell while spraying continuously.

Mumble on the phone desperately about why the toilet isn’t that good for “destroying the evidence”

Steal all the toilet paper, sell it to people when they are desperate.

Bring a big bag of water, poke a hole in it and let it drip continuously when there’s someone else in the bathroom, also bring meatballs and drop them one by one, act relieved after each one.

Fake an orgasm every 3 minutes.

Practice speech about world domination in the mirror.

Dip your hands and face in ketchup until it looks like blood, start washing when someone comes in, watch them like a psychopath as they enter the stall.

Keep asking people if they are finished yet every 5 seconds.

Grab them desperately when they come in shouting “is the war over?? can we go out?”

Dry your hair with the hand dryer, read a magazine in the meantime.

Write “I’m watching you” on the stall door.

Cry continuously and mope about unicorns not being real.

Ask if you could drink from their toilet because you already emptied yours.

Comment on everybody’s fashion sense as they walk in.

Dress up in a suit, act like a secret agent and say key sentences to everyone like “The little dolphin jumps over the Kremlin”. Stare and expect a response.

Write “help” with ketchup in front of a closed stall.

Casually walk into the wrong restroom, act like the other people are stupid.

Close all the stalls from the inside and jump out, sell them “ cheap” to anyone who comes in.

Worship the toilet god with an elaborate ritual.

Ask the person in the next stall “So you come here often?”

Read a book out loud on the toilet.

Watch porn on your laptop with the sound all the way up.

Pretend like you are unable to get out of the stall, cry and punch the door.

Stand behind the main door and let nobody get inside, tell them it’s for their own safety.

Leave a briefcase under the toilet, put a loud clock inside it.

Knock on the door and shout furiously “Open up! This is the police!”

Take a stick and poke at the water mumbling “i’m not gonna let these greedy bastards get my leftover food, it’s mine!”

Act undecided about which stall to take, don’t let anyone in until you decide. Discuss various pros and cons of each one.

Try training your dog to pee in the toilet, get angry when it doesn’t. Blame the person who came in for distracting the dog.

Replace the liquid soap with soda/milkshake, drink from it when others are watching.

Act relieved when someone comes in, say “ Finally, what took you so long, i thought you’d never get here”

Look at people taking a piss in the urinal, ask “ how much for those pants”

Act like it’s a shop and ask random people how much each thing costs.

Take the toilet paper, run out of the bathroom frantically moving your arms shouting” omg free toilet paper everyone, come see!”

Preach the apocalypse to anyone who comes in and enter a stall.

Take too chairs inside the restroom, sit on one and leave the other empty, say” I’ve been expecting you, take a seat”

Write disturbing messages on the toilet paper.

Stand at the entrance between restrooms, ask anyone who comes” Are you a boy or a girl?”

Point them to the right restroom.

Take a nap on the bathroom floor, put some ketchup on your neck.

Leave some flour in the toilet seat. Leave a message “this cocaine better still be here when i come back”

Download fart sounds, play them continuously.

Pretend like you are a lost tourist, ask for directions, explain that it’s too confusing for you and you’ll continue to live here on tap water, it’s dangerous out there.

Wash your clothes in the sink, cry about your divorce, ask anyone if they have any attractive friends to hook you up with.


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About tehcip

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

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