Those annoying people on facebook

If you can identify yourself with the following 15 examples which i will present below then your posts probably don’t even end up on any wall anyway.

But if you do not wish to fall victim to the blockhammer avoid the following set of behaviors:

1 The marketer

So you have finally landed a job. Good for you congrats!

However i couldn’t care less about those special prices your firm offers, or how much money i save by buying 2 tons of paper, if you want people to know that crap create a marketing page. Or if you prefer losing all your friends and one day when your house is on fire and your phone is gone because the dog was chewing on it, caught fire and ran outside, you won’t be able to get any help with your “help im trapped by fire lol” post on facebook coz everyone blocked you.

2 Vaguebooking

Yea you know what i’m talking about, just read that title carefully you’ll get it. If you still don’t here’a an urban dictionary tip for you:

An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help.
Mary is: “wondering if it is all worth it”
Mark is: “thinking that was a bad idea”
You either say something worthwhile or keep it to yourself. Don’t even get me started on those “i’m ugly” posts.
3 The tag guy/chick
Yeah, you come home one day from work and log on, surprise!
Someone has tagged you with them at the new bar in town, wasted. Woopty-doo i really wanted my boss to know what i was doing monday evening instead of working. Thank you for that.
4 That woman with the baby
Yeah we like your babies. I mean i don’t, i don’t like babies at all to be honest. But some people do.
Still,  that is no reason to post every shit and pee and booboo that the baby goes through. I’m not logging in on facebook to see pictures of crap or naked babies k.
Describing everything they do is even worse.
5 The humblebrag
I’ll let my pal urbandictionary explain:
Subtly letting others now about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or “woe is me” gloss.
Uggggh just ate about fifteen piece of chocolate gotta learn to control myself when flying first class or they’ll cancel my modelling contract LOL :p
Humblebrag example: “I can’t believe I sounded like such a idiot on TV last night”
Appropriate response(s): “Believe it, idiot”

6 I’m so pretty

So you like taking photos of yourself in the mirror and photoshoping out the toilet. Nice hobby!

But i reaaally don’t need 1234332 thousand pics of the same thing, meaning you, flooding my page.

You took a nice pic? Good for you! You took 157? Post them on your own wall, at home.

7 Song lyrics

So you like a song, that’s just great, congrats!

You would like me to like it too just as much? Not likely.

Posting the lyrics online won’t help much either. And looking at songs nowadays that would probably just make me not want to even listen to that song at all.

8 Politics

So you hate the government. Oh noes! We all know eeverybody loves the government! You rebel you!

Or maybe you would like us to vote for your candidate. Exactly like those people who come and glue campaign posters on my house wall. I love those people!

Please read in a sarcastic voice. Thank you.

9 Twitterbook

Facebook is not twitter, many of you might be confused about this let me make it clear for you.

On facebook i added you because you are my friend , most of the time i don’t really care what you do and i’ll probably end up blocking your statuses anyway.

But if you start posting every single thing you do every day you will probably annoy the hell out of everyone except those guy/girls who just want to do you.

10 Creepers

Oh you so pretty, me marry you long time!

Seriously guys go stalk people properly,lazy bums.

11 Public private moments

This specimen of conversation can be observed in the wilderness of the facebook environment,  sometimes when a vaguebook lays an egg a public private moment is born.

Hey you know what would be a good idea? You should break up with your boyfriend on facebook so everybody will know it’s his fault for not noticing that you cheated. What an asshole.

And of course everybody really needs to know all your family problems! Oh we love those, makes us laugh 😀 Suffering, it really cracks us up doesn’t it guys? 😀

No it doesn’t, keep it to yourself k.

12 Urban legends and chain letters

Hey Jimmy, i have a new letter for you, it’s a chain necklace!

No. not like that, in this situation Jimmy simply finds out that he will die horribly if he doesn’t forward this to 10 other people. Poor Jimmy.

It didn’t really work back in the day and it won’t work now, it’s just stupid and if you do it you might as well just update your status to “i’m an idiot”.

At least now nobody wastes paper, eh?

13 Links

Oh look a link to a video about a pumpkin that looks like a tomato! I should drop everything right now and look. ’tis a miracle!

Before posting anything, ask yourself, will people really care about this or am i just seeking attention?

14 Religion

Maybe i believe in a different god or none at all.

The end.

15 Love

Yea you love each other, why don’t you go fruit yourselves then. everybody loves fruit!

But frankly we don’t gives a shit about your fruit, how you do it, why you do it and how much you loooovee each other.

Keep it to yourselves, you’ll probably post depressive shit in a month coz you broke up anyway.

There’s a different kind of love that people feel for you when you butcher their newsfeed with that, we feel like we’d really love to punch you in the face.

Thanks for reading people and if there’s anything i missed fell free to comment below.


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About tehcip

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

One response to “Those annoying people on facebook”

  1. Ggfn says :

    Hi i like yall

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