How to annoy people at the office/at work

Bring the TV remote from home and try to change the channel on people’s computers. When you see no results curse and mutter something about „cheap good for nothing electronics”.

Answer every phone call you get with „Welcome to FM Radio, you are on the air!”.

Pretend like your co-workers screen saver is hypnotizing you,start bowing to the computer chanting „All hail the cyber lord!”.

When people ask you for assistance staple their papers in the middle of the page.

Pick random times during the day to announce that plants are not real.

Take a picture of a fly you just killed and attach it to an email, send it to all your co-workers labeling it „such is the fate of all fools who oppose me!”.

Walk around the office staring suspiciously at co-workers, take a careful look around their offices, occasionally talk into your shirt saying „No sign of the the target yet, they suspect nothing!”.

Paint your face purple and walk around desperately asking your co-workers if they have seen your pills. Search through their desk drawers.

In the middle of a presentation start twitching your eye shouting „Error! Error! Error!” come back to your senses and continue the presentation oblivious to what happened.

Read everything you see on your monitor screen out loud. If someone interrupts you shush them and criticize them for interrupting your work.

Stand in the elevator and pretend like you are holding the doors open for invisible people, engage in conversations with them.

Walk around proudly showing off your new calculator, tell them your computer just had a baby and celebrations are in order.

Demand that your email address be ”the_great_lord_and_master@companyname.com”.

Stand outside the restroom holding a baseball bat, look people in the eye as they come out and ask them if they washed their hands.

Put 2 staplers on your desk, pretend they are fighting, cheer on your favorite, act pissed off when the other one wins, accuse it of cheating.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it „Tasks and suggestions”.

When anyone asks you to do something answer with „would you like fries with that?”.

Send an email to a co-worker advising him/her to call a number urgently, give them their own number.

Finish every email you send with „in accordance to the prophecy”.

When people ask for decaf give them espresso.

Never use any punctuation, or better of, don’t use any spaces at all.

Send everyone an anonymous email containing the message „I’m watching you, I always am.” or „I’m going to be following you home tonight.”. Watch them suspect each other.

Ask co-workers what gender they are.

Walk to the window and pretend like you’re working at a drive-through, yell out the orders to your co-workers.

Each time someone says something to you start clapping and walk away backwards.

Develop an unbearable phobia of the letter „X”. Cling on to people when they use it and beg them to stop.

Pretend like they are all just figments of your imagination.

Proclaim your cubicle/office as an independent nation, declare war to anyone who invades your space.

Two weeks in advance before a co-workers party tell them you can’t make it because you will be sick.

In the memo field of all your checks write „for sexual favors”.

Send „Happy birthday!” emails to random co-workers every day. If they ask tell them not to worry one day you will get it right and it shall be glorious.

Walk up to random co-workers, look around and then whisper „I can help you destroy the evidence”. Wait for a response, if they deny it wink and walk away.

Ask people of the opposite sex if they „come here often”.

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About tehcip

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

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