How to annoy people on New Year’s Eve

homer-end-is-near1Shout out random numbers during the countdown.

Have long arguments with anyone that wants to disagree with you that we are in 1962.

Cry uncontrollably about the Earth getting so old.

Prophesy the end times loudly, warn everyone to set their affairs straight before the calendar ends! The mayans meant this calendar!

Remind everybody that 13 is a sinister number imbued with black magic and misfortune. “2013 is no exception! I hope we will still be here in 2014…”

During the countdown panic and shout out “I can’t take this tension anymore!!” Cover your ears and run around making noises.

When the countdown is over get annoyed “Why isn’t anything happening! Lies all lies!”

Walk around people begging them to cherish the 31st of December, explain how it feels neglected because everyone just wants it gone.

Put sleeping pills in everyone drinks to make them miss midnight. Paint your shirt in ketchup before they wake up and explain how you saved their lives.

Invite people to a party, have a tea party instead, demand everyone speak old english with threat of exclusion.

Start telling people stories about last year before it’s even over, after midnight tell everyone that joke about how it’s been a year since you saw them, everyone!

Try to convince people that the new calendar demands sacrifice! Hold a ritual to sacrifice potato chips.

Ask the host where their New Year’s Tree is.

Make impossible New Year’s resolutions like learning to fly and visiting Uranus. Act really confident.

Brag about everything you did last year, even insignificant things,or better of, especially insignificant things.

When people start drinking invent a very depressing story about how you struggled with alcohol addiction, tell it in a very sad voice.

Hold a funeral service for the last year. Speak greatly of it! Tell people it’s ok to cry. Call them sensitive pixie fairies after.

After the countdown start talking into a weird voice “Yeesssh yeesh after a thousand years i am finally free! Muahaha!” Rub your hands together and look at everyone like a psycho. Smile devilishly.

Get all hipster in their faces and tell them how you already like 2013 before it’s even here. Explain your opinions on 2014 as well.

Bring a huge empty paper rocket inside the house that looks like a firework, light it up and yell “Check this out!”. Watch everyone run in fear.

Continue to wish everyone a Merry Christmas !




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About tehcip

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

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