Archive | February 2013

A Universe for free


Anthropology pick-up lines

relichunter2Hey Baby, I wanna see your bedrock!

Let’s pretend you’re full of  C14 so I can date you.

Baby, you must have time distortion powers because you’are turning me into Homo Erectus!

Would you like to examine my bone?

What a nice pair of platform mounds you got there!

Wanna extract some minerals from my bone?

Let’s forget the carbon and move straight to the dating!

Hey baby, Can I probe your moist area?

My, my you are a special find.

Are you an excavation site?  Because I dig you.

I’m a linguistic anthropologist, may i study your tongue?

Hey baby, I wanna go down today… about 10 centimeters.

Fancy rimming my sherd?

Hey baby, can i use my GPR on you?

I sure would like to calibrate your curves.

Baby you’re more precious than an artifact!

Wanna share a trench?

I would never bury our love in a coniferous forest, because the acidity of the soil would ruin any chance of preservation.

So, wanna get dirty?

I’d like to excavate your site.

You know, you really match my culturally constructed beauty standard !

Care to shine my trowel?

You like petrology? Well, check out this cleavage!

Would you like to see my totem ?

Come here and let me demonstrate how to shovel probe.

My, what a large ranging pole you have!

Hey baby, could i have a look at your artifacts?

Can I excavate your mounds?

Hey, I’ve just discovered a bone in my pants, and I was wondering if you could date it.

Hey baby, can I survey your features ?

I find your culture fascinating…I’d like to learn more about your mating rituals.

Can I touch your tanglible heritage?

Is that an increment borer in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Wow, and all this time I thought nothing was sexier than archaeometry!

Did it hurt when you fell from your culture’s dogmatic view of an afterlife?

Let’s have a debate. I’ll be a cultural relativist, and you assume the missionary position.

If I told you that you had some nice secondary sex characteristics, would you hold them against me?

You remind me of the Kennewick Man, I’d do anything to claim you for my own.

Baby, your hotness is a social fact!

I like your hotspot.

Baby, I’ve got a huge grant !

How to annoy a telemarketer

consuela no no

Repeat what they say. Keep repeating until they ask you to stop, when they ask why, reply that you are training to be a telemarketer.

Ask “Why?” all the time.

Answer every question with “No.”

Answer everything with “hmm maybe…”.

Ask them to talk very slow so you can write every word down for evidence.

Fake being attacked by a murderer. Beg for help. Leave the phone hanging with no sound.

Reply to everything they say with “That’s absolutely not true!”

Start asking them questions and never answer theirs.

Ask them if they sell any telemarketing blocking products.

Answer with “911 Emergency. What is your emergency?” Repeat.

Stay really quiet after you answer then make baby sounds.

Treat them like your very own  psychiatrist. Tell them about your life until they hang up.

Ask them where else you can purchase the product but refuse to buy it  from him.

Inform him that you are grounded or under house arrest, ask him if he could bring you some beer and peanuts.

Ask them personal questions continuously. Tell them you can’t answer their questions until they gain your trust.

Only breath heavily. Tell them you know where they live or that they have a “purty voice”.

Tell them you have to let the cat inside and you will be right back. Never return.

Ask them if they are selling any weed.

“I’m sorry, I’m blind, can you repeat that?”

Tell them you don’t even have a phone and you don’t know what they are talking about.

Pretend like you are old/young and can’t hear/understand, fake an accent as well.

Ask them if they would like to be your friend.

Panic and tell them you were an undercover cop but this call just ruined your cover.

Tell them a gypsy already sold you that product.

Tell them the phone owner has just moved and give them the number of someone you despise. Tell them they work during the day so Read More…