How to annoy the police


Hey, you must’ve been doing over 130 to keep up with me. Good job!

Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you were going to get a doughnut.

Those beer bottles? They were open when I bought them!

What? You need a license to drive?

I didn’t stop because when i saw the flashing lights i thought you were giving me an escort.

Is it true that guys become cops because they can’t work at McDonald’s?

Bad cop! No doughnut!

Oops…I thought you were a prostitute.

I’m heading to a sold out concert and I heard you gave someone a ticket, what’s the deal?

How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.

So that’s what those yellow flashing lights in the school zone mean?

I’m an undercover FBI agent and I was following someone, do you have any idea how much trouble you are in?

Whatever you want buddy, You’ve got the gun and I’m not armed right now…

Can you come back in 5 minutes? I’m in the middle of a telephone conversation.

Come on, write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!

No, I don’t know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110.

No, offi, offic, lucifer…I’m not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog!

I’m surprised you stopped me, the donut shop is having a 3 for 1 special!

Pfff…of course you caught me, you have a way better car, this is so not fair.

Well officer, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around, that’s how far ahead they are.

Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us knows.

Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.

I was going to be a cop too, but I decided to finish high school instead.

Hmm, I though you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Just had to try out that new siren, didn’t you?

Well, those two other guys didn’t stop for that pedestrian either.

Aren’t there real crooks somewhere you should be catching?

You’re lucky this car needs a tune-up or you would have never caught me!

Whoops, that’s the fake one… here ya go, this is the one.

You guys all take bribes, right? How much?

I pay your salary!

Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.

Hmm…Is your power a penis substitute?

If you’d try the stuff I just had, you wouldn’t be so damn uptight.

Hey, is that a 9mm ? That’s nothing compared to this 44 magnum!

You drive like my grandma.

Listen, I’m really good friends with the president, so why don’t we just forget about this whole thing, hmm?

I can get out of those stupid handcuffs faster than you can say, “Houdini”!

What do you mean, “Have I been drinking?” You’re the trained specialist.

Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

You don’t happen to have any beer in your car?

You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?


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About tehcip

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

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