Funny excuses for not going on a date

not-sure-if-trolling-or-just-a-smartass I’m sorry I can’t:

I’m attending the opening of my garage door.

I want to spend more time with my blender.

I’m having all my plants neutered.

My uncle escaped again.

I’ve been scheduled for a karma transplant.

I have to study for a blood test.

I won’t find a parking space.

I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.

 I’m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.

I’ve come down with a really horrible case of something or other.

The last time I went out, I never came back.

I’m uncomfortable when I’m alone or with others.

I promised to help a friend fold road maps.

My favorite commercial is on TV.

I’m taking nuisance classes.

I left my body in my other clothes.

I need to change the air in my tires.

I’m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.

I have to hide the bodies.

I think my wife/husband would get pissed.

I have to keep refreshing the FBI website to check if I’m still wanted.

My dog had baby kittens.

My dad said I can’t date till I am married.

My grandma is on fire.

I have to stay home and give my goldfish a bath.

My pet rock died.

I need to help a friend with some business in the desert.

The man on television told me to say tuned.

I have to floss my cat.

I never go out on days that end in “y”.

I’ll be under house arrest by then.

I have to wax the driveway.

I have to go to court, I’m suing myself for brain damages. 

People are blaming me for World War II..

I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.

I can’t, I will be sick that day.

I can’t anymore, my boyfriend/girlfriend just called.

I changed the lock on my door and now I can’t get out.

I got hit by a fly, the ambulance is on it’s way.

I put your name in a hat with the others, yours didn’t come up this week.

I got struck by lightning while watering my dog.

My spirit guide said not to.

I died yesterday.

 I’m doing door-to-door selling European air.

I’ve decided to dedicate my life to spaghetti.

The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.

My ex girlfriend/boyfriend gets out of jail today and he/she murdered the last person i liked. 

 I’m trying to cut down.


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About tehcip

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

One response to “Funny excuses for not going on a date”

  1. Illusive Man says :

    I am going to use one of these. Now I have to do the hard part and get a girlfriend.

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