Tag Archive | How to annoy someone who won’t leave your house

How to annoy someone who won’t leave your house

Ask them if they could give you a hand in your new meth lab, explain how the last 3 people died but you are fairly certain it is safe down there now.

Stare curiously at an empty spot near their head, act like someone just told you a joke and start having a conversation with the invisible entity, invite your guest to talk to the invisible friend while you go get some tea.

Ask them to partake in a weird ritual worshiping an invented deity every time they come over, warn them that if they don’t the roof will fall.

Ask them to stay over forever and never leave because you need them and you can’t possibly live without them, drop on your knees and beg crying. When they try to leave act heartbroken and warn them never to set foot in your house again else terrible things might happen.

Start coughing suspiciously, when asked just tell them you opened a suspicious envelope last night in the house and you’ve been feeling very ill since, tell them it’s probably just a cold, go to the bathroom and draw weird markings on your skin.

In the middle of the conversation slap them vigorously across the face then yell “Damn it! That one always gets away!” Repeat.

Throw a bucket of water on them every time they come in, when questioned about it look dramatically out the window and say“Nobody will ever die of dehydration in this house again…”. Repeat every half  hour.

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101 ways to annoy your roomate

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate’s head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, “Hooray! You’re back!” as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, “Shouldn’t you be going now?”

4. Trash the room when your roommate’s not around. Then leave and wait for him/her to come home.then act surprised. Say, “Uh-oh, it looks like, they, were here again.”

5. Every time you see your roommate yell, “You jerk” and kick him/her in the stomach. Then immediately buy him/her some ice cream.

6. Set your roommate’s bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you’ve been cold lately.

7. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you’ve been having terrible nightmares.

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