Tag Archive | someone who won’t leave your house

How to annoy someone who won’t leave your house

Ask them if they could give you a hand in your new meth lab, explain how the last 3 people died but you are fairly certain it is safe down there now.

Stare curiously at an empty spot near their head, act like someone just told you a joke and start having a conversation with the invisible entity, invite your guest to talk to the invisible friend while you go get some tea.

Ask them to partake in a weird ritual worshiping an invented deity every time they come over, warn them that if they don’t the roof will fall.

Ask them to stay over forever and never leave because you need them and you can’t possibly live without them, drop on your knees and beg crying. When they try to leave act heartbroken and warn them never to set foot in your house again else terrible things might happen.

Start coughing suspiciously, when asked just tell them you opened a suspicious envelope last night in the house and you’ve been feeling very ill since, tell them it’s probably just a cold, go to the bathroom and draw weird markings on your skin.

In the middle of the conversation slap them vigorously across the face then yell “Damn it! That one always gets away!” Repeat.

Throw a bucket of water on them every time they come in, when questioned about it look dramatically out the window and say“Nobody will ever die of dehydration in this house again…”. Repeat every half  hour.

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