Archive | January 2013

Informatics pick-up lines

259184343_3eb35475a2 Mind if i try your compiler on my hard code?

You compute me!

You’re hotter then the bottom of my laptop.!

Ping . Response?

Talk QWERTY to me!

It’s not the size of my hard drive, it’s the way I upload.

Need me to unzip your files?

If you were an ISP I’d dial you all day long!

I think my heart just lagged…

Hi, I’m writing a new make-out program. Would you like to join the beta-test?

You got me stuck on Caps Lock, if you know what I mean…

If you were a part of my domain, we could share cookies.

Wanna place  your software on my hard drive?

Baby, you must be running a TCP protocol, since every time I talk to you, your body gives me an acknowledgment!

I’ll bet my hard drive is the biggest you’ve ever seen.

Computer techs have skilled fingers. if you know what I mean…

I wish i could  hack you in my dreams!

Baby, you overclock my processor.

Wow, you just  hacked into my heart and executed loveatfirstsight.exe!

Hey baby, I was hoping you wouldn’t block my pop-up.

What do you say I get your method signature so I can call you?

If you have an empty slot, I have the card to fill it.

Hey baby, if I was an operating system, your process would have top priority.

If I were an assembly language, I’d jump to your address, shift right a bit, push it in, pop it out, load a byte into your accumulator, then jump if you’re negative.

My love for you is like a session that never times out.

I think you could be an integral part of my project life cycle.

I’m very well-oriented with private objects.

What do you say we configure our hard drives to master and slave position?

Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive.

You still use Internet Explorer? You must like it nice and slow…

I think you could be an integral part of my project life cycle.

I wish I had the RSS feed of your heart.

Don’t hesitate to call me if you need to get rid of a Trojan.

I’ll bet my hard drive is the biggest you have ever seen!

If I said you had a beautiful <body>, would you hold it against me?

How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?

Baby, you are as mysterious as the random reboot problems I’m having with my Linux server.

Have you ever been deep-linked?

Hey, I really wanna hack your kernel.

Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?

If you won’t let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.

Hey, how about I take off your cover and insert a bigger CPU?

How about we go home and you handle my exception?

You make my software turn into hardware!

I’d really  like to play on your lap-top!

Nice CDs!

Come to my and I’ll give you sudo access.

You have the hottest multi-touch interface.

Don’t worry babe, my backdoor Trojan won’t do any real damage.

Can I put my USB stick in your 2.0 Slot?

You can talk to me in binary all the way home, baby.

Is your IP available for some chat?

I’d love to probe your ports.

I checked your syntax and found no errors. Wanna go compile?

Hey cutie, are you looking for someone to format your drive?

Would it be easier to embed you if I show you my plugins?

I’d like to send some packets into your SSH tunnel.


This is why we should read the classics

Astronomy pick-up lines

SexyAnimeinLaboratoryGownHey baby, wanna witness a gamma ray burst?

I think you might be a star because i can’t stop orbiting around you.

Ever wonder what’s happening under Orion’s belt?

Hey, wanna  come to my place and observe something else that’s constantly expanding ?

Your beauty is as rare as a Venus eclipse.

Hey baby, how many Gamma-ray bursts can your Milky Way take?

Woah! What’s the name of THIS heavenly body?

What do you say we observe each other through naked eyes?

Hey, how’d you like to recreate the Big Bang?

You are hot like a perfect star baby, mind if i enter your Goldilocks Zone ?

How about you and I form a binary system?

Baby you make my telescope expand.

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I’d have a galaxy in my hand.

You make me hotter than NML Cygni.

Your smile is like a black hole, nothing can escape it’s pull.

Your name must be Amdromeda, because we are destined to collide.

Would you allow me to experience what’s beyond your Event Horizon?

Do you also feel the strong gravitational pull of my bed?

You can use my telescope anytime. Hehe.

Nice asteroids.

My pants are approaching escape velocity.

Your eyes are brighter than Sirius.

Wanna join the hundred-thousand-mile-high club?

You must be a Magnetar because i feel a strong  magnetism between us.

Care to experience some thrust?

Wanna initiate a docking maneuver?

Hey baby, you caught my Curiosity, mind if i explore you a little?

I’ve never seen stars as beautiful as your eyes.

Do you work for NASA?  Because you’re out of this world.

Of all the planets in all the solar systems in all the galaxies, you had to walk  into mine…

If a star fell every time I thought of you, the sky would be dark at night.

Wanna see how a Pulsar feels like?

Hey baby, mind if i send my probe into your wormhole?

Wanna observe the Big Dipper? Hehe.

Mind if my comet enters your solar system?

Wow you feel like a comet, you are a once in a lifetime experience and I’m glad i didn’t miss it, can i buy you a drink?

Baby, you’re like a white dwarf star, extremely hot but not very bright.

How to annoy people at the hypermarket

funny-supermarket-drift-gameWhen a someone gives an announcement, assume a fetal position and start screaming, “No, no! not the voices again!”.

Stand firmly at the entrance of an aisle and with an official tone wave people off with “Move along folks, nothing to see here.”

“Accidentally” get stuck in one of the frozen food doors. Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps you out.

Walk up to the automatic doors and walk back and forth through them and each time u go though look up at the sensor and yell “What sorcery is this!?”

Get a fishing rod and try to catch the frozen fish. Tell people in a monotone voice “Nothing’s biting’ today…” as they walk by.

Ask where the ice cream is while holding a tub of ice cream up and standing in the ice cream isle.

Crouch around suspiciously while humming the Mission Impossible theme.

Go into the dressing room and yell real loud “Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!”

Walk about 10 centimeters in front of a moving shopping cart and yell “Its gonna get me!”

Dress as a Jedi and randomly tell other customers: “These are not the products you are looking for.” Wave your hand gently.

Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

Rewind and watch the entire movies on the TV displays. Drag a chair also.

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals throughout the day.

Walk up to an employee and in an official tone of voice say “We’ve got a code 3 near fruits”. See if anything happens.

Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell friends they can only join if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.

While looking at guns in the gun department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are.

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Done something stupid ?

Use this when someone does or says something really stupid.

Math pick-up lines

bum-math1You must be the square root of -1 because you can’t be real.

Wanna expand my polynomial?

I wish i was your problem set, because then i’d be really hard, and you’d be doing me on the desk.

Hey, can I plug my solution into your equation?

You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.

Hey, how about we take each other to the limit to see if we converge ?

My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.

I heard you’re good at algebra, could you replace my X without asking Y ?

You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.

I’ll take you to your limit if you show me your end behavior.

Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.

I can figure out the square root of any number in less than 10 seconds. You don’t believe me? Well, then, let’s try it with your phone number.

If we were two angles in a triangle, I’d never get tired of complimenting you.

Hey baby, what’s your sine? It must be pi/2 because you’r my number 1!

Wow, what a nice  asymptote you got there!

I’m not being obtuse, but you’re acute girl.

I wish I was your second derivative so I could investigate your concavities.

Honey, you’re sweeter than pi.

Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.

Wow, you’ve got more curves than a triple integral!

Babe, you can calculate my radius anytime.

Would you like to find out my circumference?

My love for you is like pi: irrational and never ending.

Would you like to see the exponential growth of my natural log?

You know…I can use my rod of infinite length for more than just simplifying calculations.

The volume of a generalized cylinder has been known for thousands of years, but you won’t know the volume of mine until tonight.

I am equivalent to the Empty Set when you are not with me.

If I were a function you would be my asymptote – I always tend towards you.

If I were sin2(x) and you were cos2(x), together we’d be ONE!


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Famous historical witty comebacks and insults



Ed Koch vs Andrew Kirtzman

Koch: I can explain this to you, I can’t comprehend it for you.

Abraham Lincoln vs Stephen Douglas

After Douglas called him “two faced” during a debate”

Abraham: I leave it to my audience. If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?

Senator Fritz Hollings Vs. Henry McMastor

When challenged by his Republican opponent during a televised debate to take a drug test.

Fritz: I’ll take a drug test, if you’ll take an IQ test.

Former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau 

Response to learning that Richard Nixon called him an a-hole:

Pierre: I’ve been called worse things by better men.”

George Bernard Shaw vs Churchill

George Bernard Shaw: Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend – if you have one.

Churchill: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second – if there is one.

Miriam Hopkins vs Anonymous singer

Anonymous singer:  You know, my dear, I insured my voice for fifty thousand dollars.

Miriam Hopkins:  That’s wonderful.  And what did you do with the money?

John Montagu vs John Wilkes

John Montagu:  Really, Mr. Wilkes, I don’t know whether you’ll die on the gallows or of the pox.

John Wilkes:  That depend, my lord, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.

Groucho Marx vs a contestant on “You Bet Your Life”

After the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10.

Groucho: Why so many children?

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